The story of my breaking point

Hi, my name is Collonia Mason and I’m bipolar. I was diagnosed in December 2012. It completely turned my world upside down. I thought my life was over. All my hopes and dreams were put on hold. I remember being so confused. I was looking forward to my dirty thirties. I had plans if u know what I’m saying. I was done with my bachelors and working on my masters. I loved being a teacher. I had a great job, I was an Administrator at a childcare facility. I was awesome at my job, worn many hats such as a teacher, counselor, friend, bus rider and sometimes cook. I was awesome! Not to toot my own horn! I was on my way and I had so much passion for the job. My staff was awesome! We did a lot of things together. The founder of Children of America was very grateful to me. He even kissed me on my cheek. But apparently, my many hats and passion weren’t enough because they fired me for reason. For what, I will never know. Maybe if they would have told me what I was doing wrong I could have fixed it but they didn’t give me that chance. After that, I went on to others childcare centers and I couldn’t find one that I could set up my roots with. Nevertheless, it’s just like my professor said “there is no such thing as a perfect childcare center” and Mann, she was so right. I even moved out of the state to Arizona to start over and they give me the most challenging children in the school but I still did my things. Why is so hard working with women all the time? If you catch my drift! I was underpaid and overwork. My journey to get to the job was an adventure. My commute every day was 2 hours and 30 minutes. Crazy, right! I didn’t give up until I had my first panic attack and things started to spiral out of control from there. I move back home to Chicago and my father and stepmother took me to the hospital. I knew something wasn’t feeling right and if it had not been for God I would have been on the streets of Arizona. My relationship with my brother wasn’t going so good because of his gorilla looking wife. She was such a difficult person to get along with. Plus, she was intimidated by me. He abandoned me and I will never forget. I didn’t do him like that when he came to live with me in Nashville But it’s okay “you reap what you sow”. I met so many sick people in Phoenix it was really sad. The very day I had my panic attack that when I quit my job. I tried to go to church for refugee and it was a disaster. The first lady at the church criticized me for wearing clothes with my arms out. I broke down in the church bathroom. I was going through so much. I took good care of the mothers of the church I had a hard time getting along with my co-worker because most of them were fake. I was having a hard time getting along with my sister-n-law. She would make up stuff to build conflict with my brother. And what hurts the most has he defended her even when she was wrong. He begged me to come to Arizona and when I was down there he treats me like crap. I needed peace so bad and I couldn’t find it. I begin to manic. I was homeless for two days cause I left my brother and stayed with this old guy. But he kicked me out because I was acting weird. I remember hearing voices inside my head and everything they told me to do I did. One of the voices inside head told me to go home. After that, my dad and step-mother took me to the emergency room where I had told them I drank some bleach water. I keep cleaning myself cause I felt the devil inside of me. He wants to kill me because I was helping too many people. I felt like a missionary feeding, pray and teaching the word of God while I was in Arizona. The poverty in Phoenix was so bad I couldn’t stomach it. I tried to help as many people as I could and it still wasn’t enough. God was right there with me. He protected me on streets and if it had not been for God I wouldn’t have made it home.
However, these are the story of my breaking point nevertheless the story continues.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Eliza says:

    Love, light and glitter

    Like

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